A spark like the one inside a car’s engine when the ignition key is turned sets in a motion a long journey into the unknowable. The spark was the question: what is life? It was a long series of questions from then on, one after the other. They formed an endless-fabric as the questions like strands kept on coming never endingly in every direction. Every question, even the ones that had been asked hundreds of times before, presented themselves in a new context and in a new form. It felt like I did not know an answer to even the simplest of the questions. They seemed to ask something which I had never thought of before. I began to be aware of the world around me.
Morning sun started to feel new to me as if I was seeing it for the very first time. Gentle breeze or a stormy night both started to feel the same. Scorching heat or freezing cold stopped making any difference. Everything were what they were supposed to be. They simply brought joy and peace.
With the awareness, I saw a dance of infinite intricacy around me – the reality. There was a timeless beauty to it. There was elegance in its movements. The whole universe resulted out of this. It was bliss to see this divine dance and to realize that I was also performing my part while playing an unknown role. No one can enchain this in words. It is too big for that. An attempt would simply be futile and would just distort it. Disfigure it. Make it unrecognizable. Art possible can help. Ultimately, experiencing it is the only way to capture it fully.
Some call this ‘the Truth’. Some call this ‘the God’.
It makes heart beat faster. It blocks the mind. You just know you are fearful. But many times, there is no reason to be fearful. For example, right now – my heart is beating fast, my mind seems devoid of any thoughts. I just know that I am afraid. What am I am afraid of? I do not know.
Sometimes I am afraid to go to sleep. Sometimes I am afraid to get up in the morning. It feels like I am afraid of the passing time. Each passing moment brings me closer to the death. It does not matter how far or near the death is. Only the fact that it is out there somewhere and I am constantly moving closer makes me helpless and afraid. It makes me want to run away. Alas, there is nowhere to run. There is nowhere to hide. It will come when it has to. May be tomorrow while driving or the day after while crossing the street. Or may be during the next doctor’s visit, he will announce that I have an incurable disease and only have couple of months to live. This feeling of helplessness – this feeling that I am unable to do anything – is very immobilizing.
But why be afraid? What is there to lose? I didn’t bring anything to this world when I was born. And there is nothing I can take when I die. Even my body will disintegrate. Either fire or time will decompose it. Every part will be consumed to build something new or to nourish something existing. I ate a lot of lives to survive. At death, I become food for the other. I will live forever in one form or the other. All the lives that are currently hosted in my body will also move on in search of another host. That seems to be the circle of life.
Play the part. Let the life take you wherever it wants. Be ready and welcome death with open arms whenever it comes.
I have finally found some time to setup the blog again.
Here you will find my thoughts on technology, philosophy, and life among other things. This is mostly for me to document how my thoughts evolve over time by experiences, observations, and interactions, and to document how I grow as a human being.